Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mom said you looked used
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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