I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
