When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
