Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
