You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
