You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
