i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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