I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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