Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize