nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
