Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
