proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
