Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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