i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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