I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're too hungover to prance.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
