Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sext me about skeletons
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
