So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
