i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
