I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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