Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
