How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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