Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
