You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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