Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
