I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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