Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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