This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
