I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
