sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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