you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
