so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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