The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
