This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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