And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
