New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
