pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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