Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
