oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
