anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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