Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
