I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
