I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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