Can i not drive my cunt home
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
