I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
