Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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