So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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