we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She bit a glass in half.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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