Do you still have your period?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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