worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
