GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
