part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
