Is it normal to miss your booty call?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
