8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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