What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
