would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
