I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
