STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
