Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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