The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
