A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
