At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
