I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
