You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
