she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
