im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
