I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
