i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
