It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
