I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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