Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
