Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
