We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
