HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So many bounce houses so little time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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