So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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