I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
